omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
