I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
