Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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