Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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