I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
