He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I can't turn off my feet"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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