I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
