Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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