I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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