dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
