i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
