the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
