He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Is it because I queefed?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
