last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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