She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
