therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
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Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
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who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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