where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
