my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
