This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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