Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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