why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
