I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
