Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
