It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
