well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
