textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
40s are totally the cure
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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