What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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