I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
