sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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