I accidentally had phone sex last night
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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