david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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