Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize