Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
