if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
