You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
