look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
