I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
