Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
