you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
