If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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