Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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