Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
