I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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