So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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