You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
