i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
