everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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