It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Ketchup is God's man juice
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize