we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
