dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
