then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
