I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
