Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
