I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
