Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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