..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
