I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
