At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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