so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i dont even know how to be here
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Randomize
