Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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