mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
