dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
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I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
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Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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