pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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