Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
