I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
