Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
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they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
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He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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