i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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