but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
How's work?
Spinning.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Still dying that you shit outside
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
