My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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