Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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