How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
