Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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