The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
