Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
