i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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