I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
