Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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