I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
