Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
