It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
