Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
