Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
