Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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