So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
