great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
