you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
