Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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