yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
